Will you blow on my dice?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
