Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
