I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
