and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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