Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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