Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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