Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
