the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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