you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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