At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
