I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
