wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
