He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
