I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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