Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
