Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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