I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
