Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
