$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
