I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
