At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Randomize
