I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
