I want to make a zoo with you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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