all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
