I think my vagina is haunted
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
