the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
