you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
