i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
