the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
