is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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