This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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