Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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