wrigley field is MILF paradise
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
50% drunk capacity currently
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
