Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
