I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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