is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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