Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My pussy is not your playground.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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