I hate all girls vehemently.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
