Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
