Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
