honey bunches of taint.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i think im in europe. pls send help
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
