You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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