IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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