I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
