apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
