Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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