I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
