in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
