Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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