So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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