Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
