My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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